Many of my desires had to do with college things, such as SAT scores and getting into college early. While others had to do with is it healthy for me to gauge my ears? I don’t understand why all these things are happening but they are. They might be teaching me a lesson I wont understand for a while. But in the meantime I’m left here with many questions and confusing of what’s going on. Is this all for the better good for myself? I have to believe that God has a plan for me and the plan I imagined just didn’t match Gods. But does that mean that I cant do small things? God, are you trying to tell me something by not allowing me to do things myself? Or is this not God?

With all this confusion I have to wonder if any of it isn’t God, if it really is the devil trying to ruin my spirits. My desires aren’t bad so why would the hope of them happening be taken away? Now that they are gone, God, how do I get over it? I pray to you but yet i still constantlythink about it. Can I command these thoughts out of my head? My hopes and dreams were taken away from me, how do i recover from that? I want to become happy and not consumed with feelings of defeat, but how?

*all my desires in here have nothing to do with sex, just to clear that up. they were more like hopes and dreams of my future and who i want to become.

Eli is a 22 year old girl. She enjoys hardcore bands that scream. She has 10 huge tattoos across her body and has very large gauges in her ears. Eli is a very beautiful.
-What is your first reaction to hearing about this girl?

Lets take a look deep down into Eli
Eli is an active member of her church, she loves God passionately, and she is an amazing women of God. All her tattoos in some way honor God. Her life work is to do what God wants her to be.
-Once again, how do you think of Eli now?

Even if she is an amazing women of God, you still cant get over the tattoos. She will be looked down in some places, by some people. Church, what’s wrong with this? As lovers of Christ we are supposed to not gossip or harm his people, yet look at what we are doing. What is wrong with Christian people advancing in the growing way to express themselves. OK so to the people back when nobody did this and its weird to do it now to them, but why not. We are expressing ourselves.
What is so wrong with bodily expression?

I used to think that it was in the Bible that we couldn’t do these things and that’s why the Church looked down on it. When researching the Bible I’ve come to the conclusion that it isn’t in the Bible. There are websites that are totally dedicated to teaching people that tattoos aren’tin anyway against the Bible. OK, some tattoos are. We are to not put things on our body that show we are worshiping other gods. Yes, that is bad but what about if we have God tattoos? What if our body is glorifying God? Our body is supposed to be a temple of God, so why not decorate it with things of him?

Many people are against this because this is the first time in history that this really has become popular. I personally think its cool to a point, but i don’t think there is anything wrong to go beyond my point. Youth now wants to have people see them how they are. If that person likes trucks then who ever is looking at them will know that. Why is it so against our way of thinking to do these things.

Personally i want 4 tattoos as far as i can think of right now. I am not wanting large tattoos or color ones because i just don’t like those. What are you thinking of me right now? Also, since July 4 i have started gauges in my ears and i pierced another hole in my ears. What are you thinking of me now? I still am passionately in love with Christ. You want to hear what tattoos i want?
-YHWH~ in Hebrew, this is the name God was first said, so instead of saying God, they said YHWH
-a simple cross
-a bible verse talking about being his delight
-a sister tattoo that both me and my sister will have
What do you think of me now?

I want to be judge when I’m first seen. Once again, you cant judge a book by its cover. At this moment you will only get to see my gauges because i cant get a tattoo for another year. I wonder the things people will think in their minds about me when they see me. I wonder what they will think with they see me and then look closer and see that im wearing a cross necklace, a WWJD bracelet, and a purity ring.

I was personally grown up to think that tattoos were wrong and doing things to your body was bad. But why? why cant i express myself on the outside?

We are a generation of re-thinkers.

We hear all the time about teenagers and young adults doing amazing things because they believed in something. This doesn’t necessarily have to be about God, but they still wanted something and then achieved it. There are many stories in “Sister Freaks” about how young women have done amazing things because they believed they could make a change for their cause. While reading this I am evaluating my life wondering about all the things i could excel at to glorify Christ. When thinking of all these things, i realize that i have tried and they have failed. I have tried to use my talents that I know are from God to help his people, but they seem to do nothing. I know God sent me the talent of singing and to teach girls around the 5th grade age. I know this and I’ve tried to engage myself into activities at church so i can use my talents for good. I have tried to use these talents and i know they are for the better if i do use them. But for some reason there are no opportunities open for me.

I want to sing. 
    My church had a youth choir. That didn’t do it for me. They ended that and then created a girls ensemble. I got into that thinking that was God’s will, but shortly found out that it wasn’t. So i got out of it. I can’t join my church’s adult choir because they practice when i have my Wednesday youth group service. I have tried to enter the youth band, but for some reason not allowed in. In the beginning it was because i couldn’t harmonize. I worked for about a year or more on my own and taught myself to harmonize. once again i wasn’t aloud in the youth band. Now don’t go thinking that i have a bad voice and this is why i cant sing. No, i have a good voice. I’m not coincided about it, but i know its there. What am i supposed to do. God gave me this voice and i have submitted it to him. I only want to use it to praise him and have people worship him through my singing. I’ve been praying about it for a very long time but still there is nothing. I know to wait on God and his plans for me, but i feel it now. What am i supposed to do with this calling i have but there are no opportunities for me? Should i go find the opportunities or should i just sit around and have God do all the work? I know God has something big planned for me and i should wait on him, but he cant do all the work. He wants us to run after him and to be in his love. What a better way to be in God then to use the talents he gave me to lead others.

I want to teach.
     I know I’m supposed to help young girls. I am currently a Sunday school teacher’s helper for that age group. I know im still young but why cant i be a full on. By being a full teacher, i am doing what God made me for, teaching young girls, and i am learning new things about God. Why doesn’t the church believe that young people can change and be responsible for things. O.K., yes i know im not that responsible, i am a 17 year old girl. Age is no excuse. If i know its God’s calling for me then shouldn’t i be doing his work. What i am designed for, what he placed upon my life to be even before i was a thought in my parent’s mind. Why cant i then? Why does the church always think this way? Being young doesn’t mean anything. To be honest, i think i am more responsible and more wise then many adults. If i know its God, then why cant i do what he wants.

I want to lead.
    Somehow i was born a leader. Didn’t really mean to be one, but i am. I lead at everything. Why cant i be pushed by the people around me to be more of a leader? Why am i never challenged to be more then what i can be? Why is God the only person that puts grand ideas into my head and see if i can achieve them? Why is there no opportunities for people my age to do God leadership things?

So, there is my thoughts have i have created just for tonight. I pray that this blog can get good feed back and my questions can be answered. If in any way i seem out of line by saying any of this feel free to tell me. Criticize me if you want, i don’t mind. Just know that in no way am i down grading God in this blurb of my mind. God is still who i am trusting in for answers and to lead me. Thanks for reading.

I am usually not this deep, just only sometimes, mostly late at night. most of the time I’m a scatter brain. )

So I really bad spelling and grammar and I’m excited to see that there is spelling check on this. )
Well to tell a little about myself:
-I am 17
-I am a girl
-I made this blog so I can get out my thought on many things, but mostly about God
-It is almost 3 in the morning. (that pretty much tells you how much stuff i have on my mind)
-I am wondering how many thing i can achieve by posting my thoughts out on the Internet.
-I am really good at working computers and HTML but at this moment of making this i just want to get off my mind what i have on it right now!
-And I am a nerd. By definition.

I just figured out that i can visually write this with like highlighting things and changing how they look by that, or i can HTML it and do stuff by that. I am in love with HTML so that’s awesome.

Once again i am going to point out the amazing spell checker on this.

i totally just typed all this as a post and not a page, and also my whole first entry as a post and not a page. maybe i should go to sleep.